


5 stages of grief

by Juki_Makiko



Category: Scrubs
Genre: Coma, Feelings, M/M, Worried Perry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-24
Updated: 2015-11-24
Packaged: 2018-05-03 05:56:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,927
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5279300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Juki_Makiko/pseuds/Juki_Makiko
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>JD has a car accident. The title give it away a little bit.</p>
            </blockquote>





	5 stages of grief

Accident

I was sitting on the couch with JD in my lap. It wasn't unusual for him. We were together for nearly a month now, still we didn't told anybody. Yeah of course he wanted, but I just wasn't ready yet. I still didn't really want to tell anyone, but JD wanted and he just need to look sad and I give him everything he want, maybe not everything, but much stuff. Tomorrow evening we will meet his friends at the usual bar and tell them. I promised JD he can move in official after that. JD already spend most of his time here and if it would mean I could see him more, I was totally in for it. I just couldn't tell him.  
Without breaking the kiss I grab the remote and shoot out the telly, I had something much more interesting to do.  
The next morning the bed next to me is empty. JD had something on the hospital to do, so he got there early. It was no problem with me. I would sneak a kiss from him, when no one saw.  
As my look got on my phone I already saw that I had a message on my mailbox. I know it was from JD He needed to tell me every morning that he loved me.  
I didn't hear the message directly, maybe I would lose a patient today and JD wasn't near, so I would at least have his words.  
I showered, get clothed, eat the pancakes JD left for me and twenty minutes later I sat in my Porsche and head out to the hospital.  
For some reason I thought about everything I didn't gave JD  
First there was the dog thing. JD wanted a dog, but I really didn't, I had my hands full with handling him, an animal would make everything more complicated.  
Second was a house. He never asked directly for it, but he make comments and I know that JD want to settle down with get children and stuff.  
That leads directly to the third. JD wants to marry and adopt children and stuff.  
It's not like it's impossible. But it was just a month ago. When time goes by, maybe it could become true, but at the moment it couldn't.  
When I see the hospital, I groan. The whole drive to the hospital my thoughts were about JD, again.  
Damn, I really love him.  
I just told him that three times.  
I should say it again.  
I couldn't bare it if he thinks I wouldn't do.  
I already stand in front of the nurse station.  
Damn, again I just thought about him.  
I shake my head over myself and then I start my day.  
At first nothing special happened I just looked at my patients. But I was disappointed that I didn't saw JD yet. And then it happened.  
I got paged, car accident.  
I run down to get to the patient, I saw that Barbie would be here first, she just came in. She start to help the man, but I froze. I saw the blood on his face on his body, I here Elliot scream 'no pulse', but I couldn't move.  
It was JD and the moment I recognize him I couldn't move, I couldn't think except about him.

At the moment JD was out of my sight, I could move again at least a little bit. Like a robot I go in the doctor's lounge and lay down on the couch. And right now I just needed JD's words, so I got my phone out of my pocket and hear the message.  
"Good Morning, Perry. I wanted to ask you if I could move in on Saturday, because I need to be out on Sunday. Isn't a problem, yeah? But whatever I love you, Perry, see you in the evening." "Dr Cox, are you and JD together?", I hear Carla's voice from the door and turn around she looked slightly shocked. I just didn't had the power to fight with her or to ramble about how impossible that is, but all I do is nodding.  
she looked shocked, but i didn't care. I bury my face in my hands and that's when she says "Don't worry he's now in surgery, he will be fine."

 

Stage 1: Denial

When Turk came to Carla and me to tell us how surgery went he looked honester than I ever saw him.  
"Surgery went good, but the state he was in . . . He lays in coma, who knows if he will ever wake up."  
After those words I stand up and storm away. Dumb Gandhi, of course JD would wake up and when I need to kiss him awake like a fucking Disney princess.  
JD wouldn't dare to die, because he knows how I would feel about this. He wouldn't do that to me never.  
I storm in his room, after I screamed at a nurse to give me his room number.  
I didn't even know what I hoped to see, but to see JD lay in a bed with all those machines, which I know kept him alive, didn't make things better. It was nearly like he was dying.  
But that was impossible. JD would never die.  
In a minute he would jump up and tell me how much he loved me. That was just a dumb joke of his, nothing more. "Ok, JD. Isn't funny anymore.", I said aloud. But nothing answered me. "JD?", I asked again and the feeling that I could lost him, makes there way to my brain, but I won't believe it. Once again I couldn't understand my sister and her religion-thing. If there were really a god, then he must hated me the most of all. After my crappy childhood, he hurt the only thing, that makes me good.  
When he would take JD from me ...

 

Stage 2: Anger

After I stormed out of the hospital I smashed my TV. I also smashed a few other things, except anything, that belongs to JD or JD likes to use.  
That was like a week ago, maybe it was two. JD's state didn't go better.  
By now nobody in the hospital speak to me anymore. When someone would just try to talk to me, I would start to scream at them. Even Kelso was afraid of speaking to me.  
The only person who would have spoken to me, would be JD's friends, but there had enough going on, so there couldn't handle me to.  
Maybe it was three weeks by now, when I decided, that anger wouldn't help JD waking up. I didn't care that the others think JD wouldn't wake up.

 

Stage 3: Bargaining

"Hey JD, when you wake up I buy you a dog.", it was the first thing I came up with.  
He didn't woke up, so I had to try harder.  
A week later I lay a paper on JD's slow moving chest. "Look! I bought us a house. I will move our stuff in, you just have to wake up and we can live in it. It is a great house. It's big, with a nice garden. You always wanted such a house, didn't you?"  
But he didn't woke up.  
It was just a few days later.  
"Hey, JD, when you wake up. I will tell you every day that I love you. You hear it? I love you, John. So, please wake up!" I shove my hand in my pocket and get a little box out. "When you wake up, I will marry you. You always wanted that, didn't you? But you are the cheesy type, so I ask you properly:  
John Dorian, do you want to marry me?"  
He didn't woke up, he didn't say yes.  
I feel a tear fell from my eyes.  
"Dr. Cox?", I hear Carla's voice from the door but didn't look up. She lay a hand on my shoulder. "I don't think he can hear you. When he could he would have woken up then. I'm sure."  
Maybe she thinks her words were comforting, but there were rather depressing.

 

Stage 4: Depression

After that I take a week of. I spent the whole week in JD's and mine house drinking.  
JD was everything for me. He didn't deserve something like that.  
He deserved to be awake and to be happy and to laugh and joke.  
Every time I think about him, everything in my body starts to hurt.  
Nearly everyday I fought about ending it.  
But even in my darkest hours, I had hope, JD could wake up and I needed to be there for him then.  
On my first day on work, after my free days. I got the ring out I bought for JD and put it on a chain around my neck.

 

Stage 5: Acceptance

It got easier.  
At least a little bit. It still hurts just thinking about him. I don't stop visiting him, everyday I am here just in case he would wake up.  
Every month I bring him flowers, not on the day he had the accident, no I give him flowers on our anniversary's.  
Time goes by and too soon I stand by his bed and brought him new flowers. With a smile I give him a soft kiss on the lips.  
"Happy 3th year anniversary.", I whisper and then leave him, to go home.

 

End?

It was three a.m. the day after our anniversary, when Gandhi paged me.  
JD was waking up.  
In the right second, I was up and in the car.  
It was a twenty minute drive, but it was night and I needed to see him, so I made it in ten.  
When I storm into the room, I see JD in his bed sitting and he smile at me.  
I completely ignore Gandhi in his room and just go for it and kiss JD with every emotion I build up in these nearly three years.  
When I pulled away, I saw JD really red face. I give Gandhi a quick glance. "He knows.", I just marked and kiss him again. JD smirked, when I pulled away. "Wow, how long was I out?", he asked. He meant it as a joke, but I throw another glance at Gandhi "I was going to ...", he started, but didn't finished. "Too long.", I simply said and then remember the promises I made. "Hey, I promised you some things, while you were asleep.", I said. I didn't want to say coma.  
JD just smiled brightly like a child on Christmas morning.  
"First: I will buy you a dog, as soon as you are out here." JD's eyes goes wide. "What really? A real dog!" I smile at him and nod.  
"Second: I already bought us a house." "You bought us a house. It's ours?" I nod again.  
"Third: I love you." And again I kiss him.  
"These are the most fantastic presents you could had ever made.", he smiled so brightly.  
"And Forth: ...", I start again and his eyes goes wide. "You have even more for me?" He sounds so damn happy and I want him like this for the rest of his life and when he wouldn't be happy once I would make him. So I pull of the chain from my neck and press it in JD's hand.  
He slowly open his hand and his face turned into complete confusion. "Perry?", he asked.  
"Fourth: ...", I repeat. "... Will you marry me?"  
This time he was awake, this time he said yes.


End file.
